So, I have not been very productive with this blog. I intended for there to be glorious entries on a much more frequent basis, however evidentially that is not the case. I am a busy gal but mostly the laze is to blame. The cold weather laze.
I came across some old pictures of me when I was at my sickest. They were devastating to my state of mind. Any thread of normality has been completely shot. I am so torn. I was very sick when I was younger. I would do things in order to lose weight that I am going to have to answer for later in my life. I was so obsessed with food that I began to major in dietetics. I wanted to learn what these substances would do to my body. What I ended up learning made me realize that what I was doing to myself was very dangerous, that while it may seem harmless, it is still destroying my body in the long run. That was enough then to help me snap out of it. I guess it is easy to just give up and be completely devoted to being healthy when you're at your lowest weight. Now at my highest, I am not so sure that the abuse isn't worth it. I know this isn't the way someone normally would go about handling this situation. Usually they would eat more salad and hit the gym more often. I just can't get to that place. My eyes dart around the fridge weighing all of the "healthy" options. I just can't bring myself to do it. I can't decide. When you start tracking your calories and getting close to 500 makes you nervous, that is a problem.
In these photos that I found, I look happy. I remember the day they were taken and it was a very happy day. I want to be happy like that again.
The gym should be free.
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